Lyrics from Pile up

I CAN'T SLEEP

Beware of getting what you wanted… it might keep you awake at night! Originally available on the Outpunk Dance Party compilation.

Wish I could turn on my light
And read my Village Voice
But layin' next to this beached whale
I haven't got the choice

He looked good at the time
I must have been out of my mind

Now I can't sleep
I can't sleep

Hoping for a wild night
Of sexual gymnastics
But he thought he was god's gift
Selfish and sarcastic

I wanted to take him home
And I got him so I shouldn't groan

But I can't sleep
I can't sleep

Minutes pass like hours
My eyes wide open
Staring up at the ceiling
Every paint crack memorized

Think I'll reset my alarm
To go off extra early
Wake him up and get him out
Try to sleep until 8:30

Being up all night's alright
If it's filled with erotic delight

But I can't sleep
I can't sleep

RING OF JOY

Something worth celebrating. No high school sex education class will ever tell you the truth about this subject. Originally on the Lookout/Kill Rock Stars split compilation.

With a mirror in your hand
Lay down on your bed
Throw your legs in the air
And see what's around the bend

Take a good long look
At a buried treasure
There between your cheeks
A hidden source of pleasure

It's an orifice for elimination
It's an orifice for exploration

Ring of joy, ring of joy
A new discovery to enjoy
Any girl or any boy
Can exercise their ring of joy

"¡Oh, but it's so dirty!"
Well, not if you keep it clean
Dicks have a good reputation
Even though they're used to pee

Learn to relax those muscles
With practice they'll open wide
Hit your pleasure center
From the other side

It's an orifice for elimination
It's an orifice for stimulation

Ring of joy, ring of joy
A tight muscle to employ
Any girl or any boy
Can break through on that ring of joy

Did I mention latex?
'Cause you know it's a must
Gotta protect yourself
Even with somebody you trust

It's a natural feeling
Don't let anyone tell you it's not
You don't have to be queer
But it helps alot

It's an orifice for liberation
It's an orifice for celebration

Ring of joy, ring of joy
erotic thrill, sexual toy
A boy inside another boy
Go all the way with your ring of joy

FUCK BUDDY

Monogamy can work, but it shouldn't be mandatory.

He's not a lover
He's not a one night stand
He's someone in between
To lend the occasional hand

Not much in common
But a physical attraction
We only rendevous
When we need some erotic action

Fuck buddy, fuck buddy
There's a right time
And a right place for a
Fuck buddy

Emotion tangles
No problem here
A temporary arrangement
The situation's clear

But there's still affection
It's not totally hit and run
we just limit our feelings
To what we do
when the pants are down

Someday I'll find a guy
Who means something more
But that's not what
This kind of relationship is for

Down and dirty
Hot and squirty
It's almost poetry
The way his hair hangs down
When he's on top of me

COWBOYS ARE FREQUENTLY SECRETLY FOND OF EACH OTHER

The Old West equation of ten men for each woman makes for easy math. You add it up.

FLOWER

Liz Phair's tale of sexual obsession.

Everytime I see your face
I get all wet between my legs
Everytime you pass me by
I heave a sigh of pain

Everytime I see your face
I think of things unpure unchaste
I want to fuck you like a dog
Take you home and make you like it

Everything you ever wanted
Everything you ever thought of
Everything I'll do to you
I'll fuck you in your union suit

Your face reminds me of a flower
Kind of like you're underwater
Hair's too long and in your eyes
Your lips are perfect, suck me, size me

You act like you're fourteen years old
Everything you say is so
Obnoxious, funny, true, and mean
I want to be your blowjob queen

You're probably shy and introspective
That's not part of my objective
I just want your fresh young jimmy
Sliding slamming ramming in me

Everytime I see your face
I think of things unpure unchaste
I want to fuck you like a dog
Take you home and make you like it

Everything you ever wanted
Everything you ever thought of
Everything I'll do to you
I'll fuck you till your dick is blue

CRY FOR A SHADOW

Originally done by Beat Happening, a beautiful song about longing, applicable to any/every orientation.

REAL MEN

We yank this Joe Jackson tune up by it's collar and take it on a high speed chase. Joe's "coming out" song, 1982.

Take your mind back
I don't know when.
Some time when it always seemed to be just us and them.
Girls that wore pink,
And boys that wore blue
Boys that always grew up better men than me and you.

What's a man now?
What's a man mean?
Is he rough or is he rugged? Is he cultural and clean?
Now it's all changed
It's got to change more
'Cause we think it's getting better but nobody's really sure.

And so it goes, go round again
But now and then we wonder who the real men are...

See the nice boys,
Dancing in pairs
Golden earring, golden tan and blow wave in their hair.
Sure they're all straight
Straight as a line
All the gays are macho, can't you see their leather shine.

You don't want to sound dumb
Don't want to offend
So don't call me a faggot, not unless you are a friend.
Then if you're tall
And handsome and strong
Then you can wear a uniform and I can play along.

And so it goes, go round again
But now and then we wonder who the real men are...

Time to get scared
Time to change plan
Don't know how to treat a lady, don't know how to be a man.
Time to admit
What you call defeat
'Cause there's women running past you now and you just drag your feet.

Man makes a gun,
Man goes to war
Man can kill and man can drink and man can take a whore
Kill all the blacks
Kill all the reds
And if there's war between the sexes then there'll be no people left.

And so it goes, go round again
But now and then we wonder who the real men are...

BILL AND TED'S HOMOSEXUAL ADVENTURE

They play in a band together. They're inseparable day and night. They look at each other with true love in their eyes. But they're straight… right? Wrong! We reveal the hidden truth.

Two California valley boys
The very best of friends
They used to go on dates with girls
But now they don't pretend

After trying to deny it
They went ahead and tried it
Couldn't believe how excellent it felt

It's no bogus journey
It's their hearts' true yearning
It's time for Bill & Ted's
Homosexual adventure to begin

In the garage
They're practicing their guitar solos
But in the bedroom
They're practicing on one another

School was such a pain
What a way to waste your brain
'Cause you know what's on their minds
Hey dude, 69!

They might seem kind of dumb
But they're not rubes
They got each other by the pubes
Squeezing on one another's tubes

One's dark, one is blond
Day and night they get it on
They got condoms in their pockets
Plug into each other's sockets

They learned from Socrates
And other ancient greeks
The art of homo love
And sexual techniques

They may not be too bright
But they know what they like
A love affair most triumphant

It's no bogus journey
It's a boner journey
It's a time for Bill & Ted's
Homosexual adventure to begin

JACK U OFF

You can beat it to the beat of this early Prince song. From 1981, when sexual ambiguity was part of his persona. He later retreated, a typical evasion, but he left this gift of a song behind.

If U're looking for somewhere to go
Thought I'd take u to a movie show
Sittin' in the back and I'll jack u off

I can't give u everything u want
But I can take u to a restaurant
If u're not hungry I'll jack u off

If your man ain't no good
Come on over to my neighborhood
We can jump in the sack and I'll jack u off

If u're tired of the masturbater
Little girl, we can go on a date
And if u like, I'll jack u off

I'll jack u off, jack u off
I'll jack u off, jack u off
I'll jack u off

I only do it for a worthy cause
Virginity or menopause
I'll have an instant heart attack if I jack u off

If u really really want to be a star
We gotta do it in your momma's car
Naked in a Cadillac, I'll jack u off

If we can't find no place to go
Girl, I'll take u to a movie show,
We can sit in the back and I'll jack u off

I'll jack u off, jack u off
I'll jack u off, jack u off
I'll jack u off, yeah
Yeah, yeah, I'll jack u off

Alright say, we'll put some funk on here
I'll jack u off

If u ain't chicken baby, come here
If u're good I'll even let u steer
As a matter of fact, u can jack me off
Yeah, that's right

I'll jack u off, yeah
I'll jack u off

STRIP U DOWN

So, you've already done the "lock-the-door-and-rip-each-other's-clothes-off" thing. This is a different means to the same end.

We've made it into the doorway
We've made it up the stairs
We've made it into the bedroom
Where I'll take you by your short curly hairs

You start to take your clothes off
But I stop you before a thing hits the floor
'Cause it can be hot to do it slowly
And there's so much I want to explore

I want to strip you down
Slowly strip you down
Totally strip you down

I'd like to take some time
To let the mystery unfold
Sometimes what's hidden
Is sexier than what is shown

It's nice to find a hard-on
But sooner than I'd planned
I'd rather start with a softy
and feel you hardening in my hand

For some guys sex is a formula
It seems so calculated
I would have had a lot more fun sometimes
If I'd stayed home and masturbated

A good lover discovers
That patience gets rewarded
In the rush to uncover
So much goes unrecorded

So don't undress just yet
This ain't no race or contest
I want to know every inch
Before we finally get down to the bottom

JACKSON

A duet with Calvin Johnson originally recorded for a Nancy Sinatra tribute album that never happened. Calvin sings in his most butch John Wayne voice: this is possibly as campy as we get.

We got married in a fever;
hotter than a pepper sprout.
We've been talkin' 'bout Jackson,
ever since the fire went out.
I'm goin' to Jackson.
Goin' to mess around.
I'm goin' to Jackson,
You know I'm pleasure bound.

Well you go on down to Jackson,
go ahead and wreck your health.
Go play your hand like a lover man,
and make a big fool of yourself.
Go on to Jackson,
but go comb that hair.
I'm gonna snowball Jackson.
Go head and see if I care.

Breeze into that city,
people gonna stoop and bow.
all them women gonna beg me.
Teach'em what they don't know how.
I'm goin' to Jackson.
Turn loose my code.
I'm goin' to Jackson "good-bye",
that's all she wrote.

When they laugh at you in Jackson,
I'll be dancing' on the pony keg.
Then I'll lead you' round town like a scolded hound,
with your tail tucked between your legs.
So go on down to Jackson,
you big talkin' man.
I'll be waiting there in Jackson.
Behind my Japan fan.

We got married in a fever;
hotter than a pepper sprout.
We've been talkin' 'bout Jackson
ever since the fire went out.
I'm goin' to Jackson
and that's a matter of fact,
we are goin' to Jackson
and never coming back.

BIG BOTTOM

We resurrect the Spinal Tab in a way its makers could have scarcely imagined.

TOUCH MY JOE CAMEL

A song about the cumulative effect of being subjected daily to subliminal phallic symbols in public places. An ideal of campaign for a country scared to speak frankly about sex.

I saw the billboard and thought of you
Low hanging balls, round and smooth
I don't smoke, ain't gonna start
Just 'cause they made public a private part
They give pleasure, let there be no doubt
I like having one in my mouth

I want to touch your Joe Camel
I want to touch your Joe Camel
and while we're at it, reach out and grab it
Touch my Joe Camel

Take those shades off your head
Let's see 'em perched between your legs
Those frames you wear, hard and metallic
Look good on top of something phallic
Sneak up on you from the back
Reach round front, feel your hardpack

The company denies it all
They say it's not a cock and balls
Little kids, even they understand
It's not a camel's face, but a sexual gland
They don't know what it's doing to us
I get turned on just by seeing a bus

THE BIGGEST LIE

I'd heard the rumours Bob Mould was gay years before he came out, and I went hunting for clues… This was one of them. We shifted a few words for emphasis but left it mostly intact.

You think you've made it to the top because people know your name, it's still the same.
Your daydreams aren't forever, better get your shit together for a new game.
Back to your hometown, back to your day job, back to your girlfriend, the biggest lie.

Passing harsher judgment but you brought it on yourself by being you.
You trade your respect for no success, you tried to be a hero, but you end up nothing.
Back to your hometown, back to your day job, back to your girlfriend, the biggest lie.

(The biggest lie) Back to your hometown
(The biggest lie) Back to your day job
(The biggest lie) Back to your girlfriend
Back to your girlfriend
Back to your girlfriend
(The biggest lie) (the biggest lie) the biggest lie)
(The biggest lie)

DENNY (NAKED)

A raw solo version of a song from deflowered

Denny picked me up, Denny did me
He's got a tattoo of his dick on his belly
It was double vision disorienting
Denny's kind of a dorky fella

Denny's dramatic, Denny's dark
He ain't nothing like the restaurant
He's got HIV+ tattooed in black
In 6 inch letters on his back
He said, "I want them to see
What they've done to me"
Denny

Denny's reading The Decameron
About a plague that came before
'Cause Denny's dying and Denny don't like it
And Denny don't dance no more

He's kinda New Age, but Denny's not too smart
Trying to love himself,
But doesn't really know how
He's got a heart tattoo with his own name in it
Trouble is, Denny doesn't really get it
Self-esteem is just a dream for Denny

Denny could be very funny
Says he wanted my asshole tattooed on his chin
But Denny's very demanding
'Cause Denny ain't got long to live

Denny did porno photos and films
Until his tattoos ruined his career
He stares at the video feeling dejected
Helplessly watching himself get infected

Denny's got pneumocystis
And a new tattoo as well
Denny got a skull and crossbones
Smack in the middle of his forehead
Says, "I want them to see
What they've done to me"
Denny

FEMME FATALE

This originally appeared on the home cassette release of Undressed with a different vocal. It later got bumped from the first album but we still like this version, even if it's covered to death lately.

Here she comes
You'd better watch your step
She's going to break your heart in two
It's true
Isn't hard to realize
Just look into her bronze coloured eyes
She build you up just to put you down
What a clown!
'Cause everybody knows
She's a Femme Fatale
The things she does to please
She's a Femme Fatale
She's just a little tease
She's a Femme Fatale
See her the way she walks
Hear her the way she talks

You're put down on her book
You're number thirty-seven, have a look
She's going to smile to make you frown
What a clown!
Look on boy, she's from the street
Before you start, you already bleed
She's going to play you for a fool
Yes, it's true
'Cause everybody knows
She's a Femme Fatale
The things she does to please
She's a Femme Fatale
She's just a little tease
She's a Femme Fatale
See her the way she walks
Hear her the way she talks

'Cause everybody knows
She's a Femme Fatale
The things she does to please
She's a Femme Fatale
She's just a little tease
She's a Femme Fatale

TRASH

Our interpretation of the last Roxy Music song to actually rock, with a timely new lyric for the last verse.

Are you customized or ready-made?
Heavy metal trick or treat?
Only seventeen
On the level trash is neat

Teenage fever oh you've got it bad
Caught the flavour want it all
Only seventeen
Bet you know the trash I mean

Row your feature into magazines
Go to Plaza - where's the trade?
Only seventeen
Slips are lower trash is in

HOMO CHRISTMAS

Holidays can really suck, especially if you're queer. So sneak into the bedroom and play this on your headphones while the rest of the relatives are watching football.

You'll probably get sweaters
Underwear and socks
But what you'd really like for Christmas
Is a nice hard cock
You deserve a cute boy
who's horny and queer
To make the most
Out of Christmas cheer

I wanna be your Christmas present
I wanna be your Christmas queer
I wanna be your Christmas present
Have a homo Christmas this year

Don't be a miserable
Like Morrissey
Let me do you
Underneath the Christmas tree
Well push the packages
Out of the way
And after you've unwrapped me
Naked on the floor we'll play

I wanna be your Christmas present
I wanna be your Christmas queer
I wanna be your Christmas present
Have a homo Christmas this year

Your family
Won't give you encouragement
But let me give you
Sexual nourishment
Licking nipples, licking nuts
Putting candy canes
Up each other's butts

I wanna be your Christmas present
I wanna be your Christmas queer
I wanna be your Christmas present
Have a homo Christmas this year
I wanna be your Christmas present
I wanna be your Christmas queer
I wanna be your Christmas present
Have a homo Christmas this year

C.S.F.

From the soundtrack to Doug Mobley's film, Joggernaught. We took a song about black stereotypes from the play/movie Hair and rewrote it with gay stereotypes. This is also as close as we'll come to showtunes… not very!

SMELLS LIKE QUEER SPIRIT

It's not a parody, though it sort of turned into a tribute. When we recorded the song, our plan was to use the song as a vehicle to express an idea. Being outspokenly pro-gay, we figured they wouldn't mind. They didn't. We don't play this live anymore because even when we explain it, too many people just don't get it. It used to be fun, now it's a hassle, but you can still play the record.

Against all odds, we appear
Grew up brainwashed, but turned out queer
Bunsplitters, rugmunchers too
We screw just how we want to screw
Hello hello hello homo...

With the lights out, it's advantageous
Here we are new, so fellate us
Roll it on now, lubricat us
Get us off now, ejaculate us
Play Fugazi, play "Repeater"
River Pheonix wearing speedos
Yeah! Queer

Irreverent and in your face
Attacking preachers spewing hate
I'd love to puncture their balloons
Spray silly string around their rooms
Hello hello hello homo...

With the lights out, it's advantageous
Here we are new, so fellate us
Roll it on now, lubricat us
Get us off now, ejaculate us
Play Fugazi, play "Repeater"
River Pheonix wearing speedos
Yeah! Queer

The world's a mess, but for a while
We lick and suck and feel fine
I find it hard, that's nice to find
Forget the closet, never mind
Hello hello hello homo...

With the lights out, it's advantageous
Here we are new, so fellate us
Roll it on now, lubricat us
Get us off now, ejaculate us
Play Fugazi, play "Repeater"
River Pheonix wearing speedos
Yeah! Queer

No denial, no denial....
No denial, no denial....
Jesse Helms on trial, No Denial...
No denial, no denial....